Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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