At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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