The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
