I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I need water and some morals
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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