I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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