When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
