He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so let's talk penis.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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