she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
