I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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