You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
