it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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