I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
