I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
