I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
