why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
BRING THE BAGELS
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
