please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
