Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
