I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
