A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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