Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize