i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
