My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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