dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
