My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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