the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
