Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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