this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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