no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
