So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
