So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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