This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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