Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
