no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
