And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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