Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he thought i was a dude.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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