I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
