Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
