Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
