she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
