I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
