do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
