Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
