I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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