Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
