i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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