Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
