i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
