Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
