He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
