She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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