just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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