i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
