guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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