It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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