I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
