I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
