maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
