fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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