this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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