I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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