just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
