i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
