I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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