So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
