we made out on top of his cat.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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