If i come over, it means nothing
I love black thongs
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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