And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
