just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
