She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
