Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
