last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The struggles of a small town man whore
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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