At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
