On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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