If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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