my phone needs a breathalizer
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
