i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
