I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
