hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
