dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
