She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i've created a new STD.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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