If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
