Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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