i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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