And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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