I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
