Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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