it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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