I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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