another moral hangover. fuck.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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