how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
