someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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