pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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