quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize