Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
