It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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