singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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