THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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