dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
