I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
