your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
