I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
