Screwed.edu
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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