she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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