Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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