I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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