Screwed.edu
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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