We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
