My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
