i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
