i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize