you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
