i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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