I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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