While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Small penises have feelings too.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
