He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Damn victory sex feels great
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
