Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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