I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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